So here I am in Roldih. Sitting on the veranda and writing this blog while school is on. Attendace is poor because yesterday was Chandna mela (fair) and most kids and their parents had gone there and had probably stayed up all night. At assembly there were only 48 students. We can add another dozen to that figure because the Nursery 2 kids come in later. Out of the 22 enrolled in that class, I am assuming 10 are not going to show up.
I went into Class 4 to see what they have been studying. They seem to have covered a lot of ground in the past few months. But how much did they really learn? I asked them where Kashmir was and everyone said it was in South India! Shocking!!!!! So I've set them the task of studying the map of India and figure out where each state is located. I'll quiz them tomorrow about it.
I'm not happy with the school routine and for that matter, the project's routine either. Breakfast is served at 9:00 am during the school break! Why? There's a lot of time between 6:00 am, when people are supposed to wake up, and 7:15, when assembly takes place. Surely enough time for a wash and breakfast -- like today. It didn't take long to figure out the routine was set for the convenience of ONE person rather than of the other people on the project or the school children.
There's a nip in the air in the mornings and so it would be the right time to start school at 8:30 am and then there will be ample time for everything. Shanku will not be under any pressure to prepare breakfast and do other "needfuls" before school starts. I was given the impression that he also teaches. But it's not true. He "fills in" when one of the teachers is absent -- which is not very often. So he has lots and lots of time to prepare the meals and do other odd jobs around the project.
There are other little things that have made me unhappy -- the whole place is overgrown with grass and weed, the solar system of lighting I set up was not working as efficiently as it was when I was around (I had to fix it last night), and one of the batteries (the new one) has been lying around in Devdand for the past month or so for some mysterious reason. I was told it had gone for charging and I'm finding it hard to digest that it has taken over a month to get the battery recharged!
I won't dwell further on the negatives. But it's obvious that the project has been badly managed. And that's not surprising considering that the "manager" has been mostly absent. This, I find extremely frustrating. Everyone wishes to hang around the project when I'm here and most things function smoothly. But the minute I'm gone, those who are meant to run the project, run away! I experienced this Deena Shan, Rajkanna, Chandan -- in fact, everyone that I have entrusted the management of the project to. The sad fact is that I no longer wish to manage the project either. There's so much more to be done "out there:" that hanging around here is a waste of my time, energy and capabilites. So where do we go from here? Honestly, I don't know.
Last evening, after dinner, when I was watching the moon rise, I asked myself if I was happy to be back. The answer shocked me too. No. I'm glad I have this opportunity to spend some time in wide open spaces where I can watch the sun and moon rise. I'm glad that I can sit and listen to the birds at dawn and the crickets at dusk. I'm happy I can breathe in fresh air. But am I glad to be back? Honestly, no. The project feels like a burden. A mill-stone on my head which I somehow can put down anywhere. The emotional involvement I felt is no longer there. It's been replaced by a sense of "duty" and a desire to see things done "efficiently". That's all. Let's hope it's a passing phase. I've felt frustrated and disinterested from time to time. Somehow this time it seems permanent! I'm almost 60... someone has to take over and take responsibility. Or else this is the end.
I don't think I'm feeling negative because I'm feeling somewhat unwell. I could have caught a chill on the way here. The bus journey was hard. I was sweating when I boarded the buss in Kolkata and feeling chilled when I got off the bus in Poraiya Haat. Somewhere along the way, it had become gradually colder and the passender in front insisted on keeping her window open to let the cold air in.
I was asleep within minutes of reaching the project at 6:00 am. I woke up for lunch and then went back to sleep. And despite having slept all day, I could barely keep my eyes open after dinner. The moonrise was spectacular as usual. But I was so unhappy with the "little things" I've mentioned, that I really did not enjoy it as much as I should have. Pretty soon it will be too cold to sit outside and watch the moon at night.
I almost forgot to mention Renee! She's here. In fact she's been here since the 22nd. Bhola had gone to Kolkata to fetch her despite being very busy with his grandmother's "death duties", rituals, etc. She seems quite ok though seems that a lack of "routine" is preventing her from giving her best. I hope I'll remedy that while I'm here. But otherwise, she's fine. Quite involved in whatever is going on (school mostly) and interacting with Shanku who is teaching her Hindi and enlisting her help in kitchen work.
Anyway, I'm here till Diwali. I hope I will be able to bring back a semblance of systemized sloth, if not an efficient system!
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