Weekend Blogs

Another Sunday gone -- almost. Soon the sun will set. The mosquitoes are going to attack and we'll try to have dinner as quickly as possible so that we can get to bed and hopefully have a good night's sleep. School starts early tomorrow. So we have to be up early too. Maybe I'll change the timing from next month. School could start at 8:30? Soon it is going to get chilly in the mornings.

Khagen and Suman have been busy doing house-cleaning. They have just discovered that all the

wooden beds have got termites! So we really need to do something before those creatures

demolish them! The question is what? Bhola probably knows. He'll probably be here this evening with meat for Bruni. He was here last evening when he went on his village visit to Rai tola -- especially to find out why Shivnarayan Rai isn't coming to school for over a month. It seem

s his father was quite ill and in hospital and Shiv and his brother (also in our school) had to go with the mother to the hospital to look after him. He will be coming to school from tomorrow.

Of late, I have been seriously thinking about discontinuing the blog. No. No. No. It has nothing to do with the recent controversy. I have thinking about it for a long time and also discussing it with Mitali from time to time. We have both been wondering if the blog serves a purpose. Does it really help the project?

Before I started the blog, I used to send out monthly newsletters. I've stopped doing that. And I suspect, that a lot of those who don't receive the newsletter any more, don't bother to read the blog either. Who has the time these days? They probably read the blog once a week. But by that time there is soooooo much to read.... you get the picture?

I know that some of our recent volunteers read the blog "regularly". But do they read it every

day? I doubt it. So where is the need for a DAILY blog? I was unable to write for a whole month. So what happened? A few people were concerned and did enquire as to what was wrong. But we could count them on the fingers of one hand! Most people did not even notice! Not even some of my friends!!! I'm exaggerating. We are in touch on the phone and so where's the need to read the blog. They are probably fed up with my whining anyway.

So here's the deal. Expect a weekly blog. I'll put it up on Saturday so that those interested have the whole weekend to read it. And I will send out a monthly newsletter which will reach even those who are least interested simply because they are on my mailing list! How does that sound?

I'll have lots of photos to upload. I'll have lots to say on weekends. And on other days I'll have lots of time to write my memoirs! Who knows, it may become a best-seller and earn lots of money and then fund the running of the project! There goes the dreamer. Now that I don't smoke I can't even put it in my pipe!

Reactions

The last blog entry evoked some very strong responses and reactions. Unfortunately, all this happened on FACEBOOK as a comment to some pictures I had uploaded! That wasn't the forum for such a discussion. Many people who follow the blog aren't connected to me on FACEBOOK. So I decided to copy the conversations there and paste them here as a blog entry.

While I am certainly not going to stop speaking my mind because of criticism, but I will certainly be a bit more circumspect about how I write what I write.

As I have said before. I'd like the blog to be more interactive. Please voice your opinions -- regarding the blog and the project, feel free to react to each others' comments... after all those who voice an opinion, should also be able to accept the opinions of others! But please try not to be too personal though I know sometimes, it's unavoidable.

Juthi Mitra

How can you appreciate beauty when you dont appreciate mother nature's gift- How could you send away the pet puppies to another village, it is like sending your child away and letting him/her die. I think it is a heartless act. Also it is pointless to blame your staff for the puppies because it is not their fault they were there in the first place.

Siddharth Sanyal

I really must be more careful HOW I write in future. If you read the blog properly you will realize I AM NOT BLAMING THE STAFF! It is NOT THEIR FAULT that they sent away the dogs. I've been wanting to get rid of the dogs because they were becoming a menace. I had mentioned this in a blog.

As for sending the pups away to die in another village, I think you are mistaken there. There are hundreds of stray dogs roaming around here. Most look a lot healthier than "our" dogs. The people in the other village where the dogs have gone, are know to my staff and they feel assured that the pups will be fed.

I agree with you that it's like sending your children away... and that's why I'm sad. But I did what I felt I had to do. Perhaps I should have asked you and others first about how to deal with a situation....

There are no doctors for PEOPLE in the area where I work. There are no VETS. There are HUMAN CHILDREN coming to the schools that I run and honestly I am more concerned about THEM.

The dogs ate up a chicken in the village and it became an incident. If "our" dogs go and bite someone in the village it could lead to a situation that might spin out of control. And what if they turned rabid? What if one of the school childrren got bitten? Where would I take the children for treatment?

There are hundreds of stray dogs here. Would you be willing to start a project to take care of them? I'd gladly lend you my support. All you need to do is bring a team of Vets here. Or arrange for them to come and stay here for a week. We could round up the dogs and have them vaccinated. I hope you will also be able to raise the money for the vaccines and other expenses because our project certainly can' afford it.

Perhaps I have no right to appreciate beauty because I am cruel to animals. But what about those who go to an art exhibition in Kolkata and walk past a dying old man lying on the footpath without even a passing glance?

There are hundreds of homeless stray pups in Kolkata. I hope you are doing something to ensure that they don't get run over or starve to death.

Yvonne Novak Matz

Hi Siddharth--I believe I read the blog properly, and you opened by "partially" faulting Suman and Khagen for your restless night, caused by the pups being gone. Short of Suman fathering the pups himself, I don't understand why his salary was threatened or how in any way he or anyone else would be responsible for the dogs. And he obviously took that threat seriously, along with your expressed displeasure for the dogs' presence. As long as Bruni has no bordered area where she can be outside and run without being mounted by stray males, it's just going to happen again. : ( I wish there were an herb or something natural she could be fed to stop ovulation as protection. I'm off to Google that...

Tincture of wild carrot flowers!

Danielle Grindlay

i find it quite ironic that people find it so easy to judge when they are completely disconnected from the project...perhaps we could all remember it is Sid's words - Sid's own guilt and judgement of HIMSELF - that we are reading...he doesn't include the details because he is UNAWARE of what is going on...he is merely trying to DEMONSTRATE the ... turmoil he is going through!
But thanks for ensuring future blogs will be sugar-coated and lack any depth in case SOME ppl get offended and jump to irrational conclusions...

Yvonne Novak Matz

Danielle, what's your problem? How has any comment been irrational and offensive, other than yours above? Siddharth repeatedly has asked for feedback on his posts, and he has asked me personally NOT to hold anything back, that he wants honesty. I spent a month on the project, just like you did, and spent hundreds of dollars shipping school ... esupplies for the children earlier this year. We are no more "connected" or "disconnected" than anyone else. You can thank us for the future "sugar coated" posts from Siddharth, and Siddharth can thank you that he receives no further feedback from me.

Danielle Grindlay

Yvonne i was talkin to Juthri! i hadn't even read your response yet...

i suppose i was a little over the top...it just makes me angry to see 'heartless' labels being thrown around when it's clear there's a little more to the issue than first considered...i hadn't even read Sid's own reponse to that remark yet before i angrily typed away...
Clearly he is big enough to defend himself...
And Yvonne i wasn't referring to your comments at all...

Siddharth Sanyal

Hmmmm... Thanks Dani... I don't mind the criticism... yes, when it's unreasonable, it hurts. But that's ok. It's best that people speak their minds openly and give me a chance to defend myself -- and not behind my back, like some do!

It's a little UNFORTUNATE that this was the forum chosen for it. I just uploaded a few pictures. People should have commented on that! Those who read the blog and had something to say, should have left their comments there! This is my PERSONAL space... And like you, the comments made here made a lot of people who REALLY know me personally, quite upset.

Don't worry Dani. I won't sugar-coat my blogs. But I do hope, people are going to comment about my blog at the blog site and not on FACEBOOK -- unless of course, they deliberately wish to be personal!

By the way, right now I feel like lynching the visitor who picked up Bruni and her brother off the streets and left them at the project. I should have gotten rid of them as soon as he had left the project.Everyone found the pups "very cute". None of them are here to take care of them now!

Mitali Chatterjee

Eesh! The puppies gone? I still remember the day when u were in calcutta and banshi informed u that bruni 'pregnant dikhta hain'. Then one day when we were returning to the project as soon as we landed they informed us that bruni had so many puppies...we went to see and bruni didnt protest even when u went close to the puppies..i even named them as bruni's brat brigade...just going down memory lane...
But then since its your project u know best what to do.

A Storm in My Heart

I didn't sleep last night. But no one knows that. Not even Khagen and Suman who are partly responsible. However, I should take the blame for what happened... the little dogs are gone!

I had been so upset with Bruni's not-so-cute-anymore pups that I kept saying I wish there was some way we could get rid of them. Why the hell didn't you throw them away when they were small, I kept blaming Suman. Then at lunch, with a serious demeanour, I told Suman that I would deduct the cost of food from his salary.

Khagen had gone to meet his father who was in Burhikura market. When he came back he told me that he saw the dogs in the tractor. Tractor? Tractor!!! What were they doing in the tractor? You asked us to get rid of them and so we have sent them away to another village. The driver was looking for a dog as there are no dogs in his village. Which village? Garban – where Suman's in-laws live. Have they gone to your in-laws' house, I ask Suman. No, they will be in another part of the village. But don't worry, they will be well looked after.

I'm not worried. There are so many stary dogs that seem to be a lot more healthy than our dogs who were fed twice a day. But that's exactly what's bothering me. They were so well taken care of here that they probably don't know how to fend for themselves. And it's been raining. I hope they have a dry place to sleep. They are not used to being exposed to the elements. I'm really sad. And I am blaming myself for what happened. I was simply raving and ranting. I didn't mean to actually send them away.

So I'm sad. Very, very sad and this gloomy weather isn't helping matters either. It's been raining almost non-stop since dawn. The intensity varies, but it doesn't stop at all. It's a drizzle at times and at times it's a downpour. At times it turns stormy. And then it grows still – all one can hear is the pitter-patter of rain falling on the tin roofs or the leaves of the trees. I'm sure the trees love this weather.

Since I was awake, I went for a walk at dawn and took a few pictures of the gathering clouds overshadowing the pink dawn. I'm putting one picture here. I'm also putting up a couple of pictures taken by the New Teachers. I lent them my camera and asked them to take pictures of each other while they taught. Today was the turn of the girls. Tomorrow the boys will get a shot at taking pictures.

School went off well. The weather has been nice and cool, so energy levels were up. I was, however, feeling somewhat low on energy because of lack of sleep. I thought I'd be able to sleep this afternoon, but no such luck. I just can't sleep. Every time I lie down, I keep thinking of the little dogs. I wonder how they are.

This morning I stood near the gate hoping that they'd probably find their way back. But they did not come back. Maybe they are tied up. Maybe they can't find their way back. Maybe they are so well cared for that they don't wish to come back.

I have half a mind to ask Khagen or Suman to go and bring them back. But that would be stupid. Besides, it would be a sign of weakness. I have to remain the heartless boss who is decisive and strong. How can I let on that every time something like this happens, I die inside?

Devil in the Rain

Bruni's stomach is rumbling and grumbling and also making all sorts of wierd noises. It's a bit disconerting. For a long while I thought there was some strange animal hiding under the bed inside the room –- I was working there while she would sleeping on her bed on the veranda. When, with great tredpidation I looked under the bed and found nothing, I decided to come out to see what it was and there I see her curled up on her bed fast asleep while her stomach was talking to itself. She must have eaten something outside. God knows what it was and I certainly don't wish to know.

The dogs have become a menace really. I've already metioned that one of them ate up Parvati's chicken. The other day I saw all three of them harassing a calf. The mother was trying to defend it and getting really angry. Cows are docile creatures and something has to make them really angry before they become aggressive. Villagers know the dogs belong to us and so they don't say anything. Otherwise, they would have stoned them to death. They do that to mad dogs. I won't be surprised if they do that to Bruni's brood and claim that they had gone mad!

Keep them indoors and they tear up anything! They've destroyed one quilt, one mattress, a couple of bed sheets and a pillow. Suman and Khagen are fed up. They spend most of their time these days running after the dogs who have not only become naughtier, but also smarter and more cunning! Even Bruni gives them a wide berth. I really don't know what to do with them. All four of them require 4 glasses of rice – twice as much as all of the rest of us on the project.

They eat and sleep all day unless pushed out of the premises. And they eat and sleep all night! Bruni has earned her keep on many occasion by barking at poisonous snakes (she does not bark at harmless ones). The others don't even know how to bark! At best, they howl and only when other dogs or jackals are about. They just live off the project –- maybe they learnt from watching humans! But these are dogs, not apes!

What's giving me sleepless nights is that Bruni might be pregnant again! And there are two other femal dogs on the project! What if they become pregnant too? What should I do with so many dogs on the campus. What if they bite the school kids? What if they become rabid? There are no vets here. We tried to get Bruni vaccinated against rabies. One vet gave her the initial shot. Then refused to administer the booster dose. So far, we are lucky that there haven't been any major mishap.

School went off well today too. I was busy with class 3 while class 4 was busy with classes 1 and 2 and Khagen with Nursery. When it was my turn to teach class 4 I asked them how things were going. They all said it's going well. But I could see that they were all very tired too! In fact, the whole bunch seemed dull and listless. I asked them if teaching was tiring them out. They half admitted that it was. But when I suggested that perhaps we should change things so that they are not too tired for their own classes, they said everything was fine. I then asked them if they realized that while being rewarding, teaching can also be quite draining, they all wore a tired smile and said: yes!

Let's see how it goes after a month or so. Either they will get used to teaching, or the enthusiasm will die a natural death. I don't want their own studies to suffer because they are teaching. I'll think of some other arrangement. Perhaps they could teach for 30 minutes every day instead of 90 minutes! I wonder how they'd feel if they had to teach 3 to 4 hours continuously! Teaching can make you tired and you really need to be a teacher to realize that. Fortunately, the reward is so great that enthusiasm to teach seldom wanes even when energy levels are low.

Well, it looks like the monsoon is finally here. Since day before yesterday it's been raining off and on. When it rains, it pours. Fortunately, the showers rarely last for more than an hour or so. This is followed by bright sunshine. That is nice. We can dry out wet clothes and put out the solar panels and charge the batteries. But poor Richard, he really missed out on this and the cool, cool weather we are experiencing right now.

My yoga practise is suffering though. It invariably rains just as I am about to start yoga. So I can't do it at Baba's Temple as it is exposed on three sides and gets wet easily. I can't do it on my veranda because it leaks. I can't do it on the volunteers' veranda because the rain sweeps right across it. So I am letting it slide for a while. I'm backsliding! I'm backsliding! The devil's after me. Satan won't give up easily it seems. This time he's come to tempt me in the form of untimely monsoon rain! Begone devil, let me tread the narrow yogic path to nirvana!

Talk of the devil! It's really raining again. I'm not kidding!

Nothing At All

There's nothing worth writing about today. They "smart six" are teaching as if they have been doing this all their life. In fact, Khagen seems like a novice! I think he is learning something from them. Because I've noticed that he has changed his teaching style somewhat. I no longer hear children learning anything by rote in his class now!

It's been raining off and on. But there's also been some sunshine too. Somehow, it hasn't touched my mood! As far as that is concerned, I can see storm clouds. Hope you'll go and see some of the photos I've uploaded of today's dawn on facebook.

Autumn Rain?

A new week, a new routine and it all went off well. The class 4 kids taught the three pre-break periods in classes classes 1 and 2 respectively. Then post-break, they were back to being students again. I asked them if they had any problems teaching. None at all. Were they tired? Yes! Do they now appreciate what the teachers do? Yes!

What's amazing is the overnight transformation from mischievous children to sober semi-adults! Suddenly, they are concerned about school property – the benches should not lie in the rain. Keep the place tidy. Put away your books. No more loud-voiced chatter during break. How did this happen? Will it last? I certainly hope so. I certainly pray so.

They are now operating as two groups – the girls and the boys. This was Bhola's idea. He felt that if the three boys or the three girls are together, they will feel less self-conscious and be more active teachers. Pair the girls off with the boys and they tend to keep quiet. True! Also, Bhola said, even if one of the boys or girls is absent, the other two are bound to manage. Whereas, if they are put together as duos and does not show up, the single child may feel intimidated while teaching. I agree. They are children, after all!

As usual I am preoccupied with net connectivity. I had no net connection all of yesterday – the prepaid connection via data card. But there was connectivity on the mobile because Airtel charges on the basis of kilobytes, hence they make more money that way. So finally, I manged to upload the blog entry via my phone. It cost me Rs 40! Whereas, had I uploaded it using the data card (which was not working), I wouldn't have had to pay anything. But since I've already paid for the unlimited service, Airtel does not care. They've got their money! Today, just as I was debating whether I should renew my data card service, it started working. So I had the account renewed. And now, of course, it is not working! Anyway, at least I've got some sort of service even if it's erratic. At least I don't have to drive to Godda to get online.

The weather is strange. Talk about it blowing hot and cold. That's precisely what's happening! At times it gets to be very hot and humid. Then it rains. And it becomes quite cold! Right now it is raining. It started pouring just a couple of minutes again – the 4th similar downpour of the day – and Bruni sitting next to me is shivering. I had to rush in and put on a t-shirt. I think I'll end the blog here and enjoy the rain. Autumn is knocking on my door. I can smell it!

A Brief Window of Opportunity to Upload

The net is not working again and I have not been able to get online since morning. It's possible to connect to the server, but there's no data transfer. I hope they are in the process of repairing the fault. I am due to renew my subscription tomorrow and I am wondering whether I should – I've been getting lousy service since 14^th July!

I had given Suman this kurta months ago. But he was quite averse to wearing it even though he accepted it. But now that the children have started wearing kurtas, he has no problems wearing it. He looks quite nice in it too!

It's been a strange Sunday that simply came and went. What did I do? I started the day by yelling at Suman for jumping over the wall and sneaking in like a thief! Last evening he informed me that he had to go to his in-law's place and would be back by 10:00 pm. He even asked Khagen to keep his dinner for him. And then he called at 10:00 to inform Khagen that he was leaving the house for the project. We were awake till 2:00 am waiting for him. His phone was switched off and he just didn't know what had happened to him. We decided to wait till daylight to go looking for him.

This morning, as soon as a woke up at day break, I see him jumping over the wall! Naturally, I was so angry that I sacked him! But then be begged and grovelled and swore he wouldn't do anything like this again and so I relented. But I did tell him that this was the LAST TIME! Of late he has been telling a lot of lies and also not coming back on time like he used to.

I pottered around in the mornig. Fixed some wiring. Kept trying to get online. Tried calling a few friends – none of whom were available and none of them called back. Slept like a log in the afternoon and had a long chat with Bhola when he came over to deliver the weekly shopping.

I sometimes use the "volunteers" room to meditate or work -- especially if it's raining. This is the view from the work table.

I miss that – being able to talk to someone. The last time I was able to share my dreams and frustrations was when Sharad was here. I haven't been able to share my thoughts and feelings with anyone face to face every since. I've spoken to some friends occasionally, but most of them have their own problems and frustrations to deal with! I'm sure they neither have the time nor the energy to deal with MY petty project related problems.

And talking of pettiness. Today, while talking to Bhola I was wondering about what my life has become! Instead of discussing Brecht's plays and Bach and Beethoven's music, or talking about Ayn Rand's ATLAS SHRUGGED or Patrick White's VIVISECTOR, I'm reduced to talking about how much bribe one needs to pay to get a peon's job. In fact, in this area most people would prefer to become peons and NOT officers because you make more money in bribes than as an officer! It's not that officers don't take bribes. But I suppose they have a decorum to maintain, whereas, if you are a peon, you are "poor", and therefore somewhat justified in asking for and accepting bribes, I guess.

I heard an interesting story this evening and I am sharing it with you. In a village(let's call it X) near Devdand, the government is going to appoint a "day-care centre attendant". The salary is not much – about Rs 1500 per month. But the bribe for this job is about Rs 3,00,000! Naturally, not many people can even aspire for this job.

But even among the few who can afford it, there's fierce competition. Since the candidate has to be a woman and possess some qualifications, the choice has now narrowed down to two – let's call them A and B. A lives in another village and B belongs to the village where this centre is to be opened. And since B is more qualified and belongs to the village, her chances should be brighter.

So A's family is now quickly building a house in the village where the centre is to be opened so that she too can claim she belongs to the village! Not only that, they have also spent a lot of money finding out that B's husband got his job as a "para" teacher by submitting false certificates. So now they are going to apply pressure on the husband to get his wife to withdraw her application or refuse the job when it's offered to her.

We planted those "sangwan saplings last year. They seem to be growing nicely. But not as fast as we had expected them to grow!

It's amazing what lengths people are willing to go to in order to get a government job. It's PERMANENT. You don't have to work. You can take bribes. And then you get a pension at the end of it all! How wonderful. I asked where so-called "poor" villagers get this kind of money to pay bribes and build houses overnight. I was told they borrow! Because, if they get the job, they will be able to repay the money, with interest (50%), within a year. So how does one who draws 18,000 Rupees per annum, pay off 3,00,000 in one year, is anyone's guess.

The protagonists in this story are all local people. And they are the ones who will groan and moan about "rampant corruption" and pretend as if they are untouched by it or that they are not active participants in the corrupt "system".

I still can't get over the fact that parents KNOW that teachers are NOT teching in government schools. They KNOW that the teachers come to school drunk. And yet they keep quiet about it because their children get a stipend. It's not much money really. Children attending classes 1-4 get Rs 180 per annum. The ones in classes 5 and 6 get an annual stipend of Rs 360 and those in classes 7 and 8 are entitled to receive Rs 660 per annum. Girls who enter class 8 are entitled to free bicycles.

But all this comes at a "price"! For the stipend the teachers, who are actually in charge of disbursement, charge a "processing fee" which ranges from Rs 50 to 200 depending on the amount of the stipend. For the bicycle, the teachers demand a flat Rs 500. So you can easily calculate and see that parents are willing to allow corruption for as little as Rs 100 per annum! What's disgusting is that even the poorest villager earns twice that amount every week by trading in the market. Labour wages is Rs 90 per day! So my question is, don't these people care about the future of their children? If their children don't get proper education they will remain perpetually "poor". Or maybe that's the general idea -- to remain "poor" and live off handouts!

I know a family which is considered BPL (below poverty line). In fact, they are supposed to be so poor that they are given free rations – rice, wheat, etc – and also get grants for housing etc. And everyone is the area knows that they are poor. But what I can't figure out is how they manage to buy three expensive cell phones (father, mother and son) and also spend hours talking to each other on it! Local calls are cheap, but not free!

The crooked "gamhar" that was in the corner near the gate was cut down a month ago. It has grown back to the same height in one month. But it's straight this time!

Anyway, these are some of the stories Bhola and I were discussing. We were also discussing Bansi. He hasn't been in touch ever since he left. Yesterday the news was that he had gone to Delhi. But today Bhola informs me that he has probably gone to Gujarat. Delhi or Vadodara, to me it matters not. I'm happy that he has left this area and gone out to explore the wide world! Hopefully he will learn from his travels and gain something from the exposure. I wish him well. But I am also sad that after spending so many days living on the ashram, he couldn't meet me or call me to say that he was leaving. I may have been able to help him or give him some advice. But that's the way people are in this area. What about all the children who studied in Dakshinayan's schools? What about the 5 "ashram boys" who spend five years with us? Except Sunil, none of the others ever came to vist me. And Sunil came not because he wanted to meet me. He had come because he and the others needed certificates stating they has studied at Baba Gyan Mandir!

Home-Grown Teachers

I never thought that there'd come a day when I'd say: I hate clouds. But this year I really do hate clouds. They block out the sun. They trap the heat and they raise humidity to unbearable levels.

That's Raiman clowning around with some of the soft toys that Jayotsand Bedi sent from Bangalore for the school children. They were meant to be sorting out the toys for the younger children.... but decided to turn it into a foto-op!

I'm not talking about those beautiful fleecy clouds you and I watched floating in the sky making shapes that our imaginations would order. These clouds are a thick gray blanket stretching from horizon to horizon in every direction. And being under it is like sitting under a blanket on a summer's afternoon. So I hate these clouds. They block out the sun that would help me charge my batteries. They don't give us rain and they make life hot and humid and unbearable.

Bhola just left. He brought me a keyboard with a USB connector. I am now using a regular computer keyboard with the Intel CMPC. It makes typing easier. And it's not very expensive. It's amazing how reasonably priced computer peripherals have become. If the vendor is selling it this cheap in a small town, imagine what it must cost to manufacture! Anyway, I'm grateful that they are within reach and available even in a one-horse town like Godda.

Suman has gone home to drop his wife who had come for a visit this afternoon. He said he'd be back at 10:00 pm. I wonder if he actually will. But considering he asked Khagen to keep his dinner for him, I guess he does plan to be back.

And that's Kartik -- probably instructing Prahlad to focus the camera! Or maybe Prahlad is trying to get into the picture himself!

Now for some really important news: From Monday we will have yet another new routine. But the interesting development is that the Class 4 kids will now be assigned classes to teach on a regular basis like regular teachers. Khagen will teach English, Hindi and Maths in Nursery. The girls -- Radha, Anjana and Lalita -- are going to teach English, Science and Social Study to Class 1 and Kartik, Raiman and Prahlad will be teaching the same subjects to Class 2. Meanwhile, I will be teaching Class 3.

The Nursery kids leave after three periods and so Khagen will be free to teach Hindi and Maths to Classes 1, 2 and 3 after the break. I will, meanwhile teach Class 4. I discussed all this with the children before assembly today and made a formal announcement during assembly. In fact, there was a trial run and I checked to see it all was going well. The Class 4 children were both happy and confident and said they enjoyed teaching and said they were teaching the children the way I taught them. I noticed that! Their students were just as attentive and respectful towards them as they are towards any "regular" teacher.

Later, I had a chat with the new "teachers". They said that teaching is helping them to learn -- don't I know! They also said they now realize how much hard work it is to teach! I'm glad they realize this. I am sure they will also discover that it's a very rewarding experience too. Hopefully, when I'm gone, they will take over this place and keep the school going! I discussed this with them too and they all said yes. The girls said that even if they got married and had to move away, they'd open coaching classes and teach children in their new villages for at least an hour a day. Great! Am I now feeling elated!

The new keyboard that is going to making (has already made) "blogging" so much more convenient!

If all this really works out it will be wonderful. Instead of expecting outsider to develop and "attachment" to the school, it would be better if the children who studied here take over the place and continue to serve the community! I've got my fingers and toes crossed. Let's see.

The anti-mosquito spray that Bhola brought from Godda does not work! The mosquitoes are eating me alive! So it's time to end this blog and light up a trusted coil that does keep the mosquitoes away.

Back to Work

Yesterday it rained cats and dogs in the afternoon. For a change it seemed like a regular deluge and lasted quite a while -- almost till 8:00 pm. As a result the night was cold! For the first time in months I needed a sheet to cover myself at night.

Bhola called to say he couldn't go for the village visit. That's ok. I am sure the villagers he planned to visit were probably enjoying the rain or tending to their land. A few may have decided to plant something in the fields lying fallow. Bruni had gone out to visit her friends and came back totally drenched and shivering. And for some odd reason wanted to sleep on MY bed instead of her own! Her children were miraculously dry. Wonder where they were hiding.

This picture was taken on the CMPCs camera. I had taken the laptop to the well to check connectivity. You can see Bhola and Khagen inspecting the vegetable patch next to the well.

This morning was very sunny. I was glad. The solar panels managed to put some "prana" into the dying batteries. And after pouring rain, it's nice to have some sunshine. Unfortunately, the clouds returned soon after noon and it's been extremely humid ever since. Right now I am wishing for more rain. Or some cool breeze. The weather is really playing havoc with health -- almost everyone I know is not feeling too good.

The net is working. They must have fixed something somewhere. But I'm now getting two different kinds of connections -- GPRS in my "official" room and EDGE in the volunteers' room. EDGE is supposed faster, but GPRS seems more reliable. In any case, now I am living in two places. Sometimes on the veranda of the "porno-kuteer" and sometimes on the veranda of the volunteers' building.

I am happy I was able to teach today. The kids seemed happy too. They seem to like the present arrangement -- me teaching a few classes, Khagen teaching the small kids and the class 4 children teaching the class 1 kids. The class 4 kids have become very "somber" these days. They are probably realizing how much work goes into being a teacher. What I like most is that the class 1 kids give the class for children the same respect as they would give a real teacher. And Khagen seems to have a way with children. Suman is enjoying his role as a "shram daan supervisor". He and the kids manage to keep the project in good shape. I should take a few before and after pictures. Unfortunately, I'm teaching when the kids are at work.

I'm feeling ok today. But this weather is worrying me. I still seem to lack energy to do anything -- not even yoga. I guess I will take it easy and start again sincerely from Monday. I think I'll stick to pranayam today and leave the asanas for another day. Om Shanti!

Whispering Walls

The net connection is still very bad and erratic. I know they are working to fix the problem. But how long will it take? It's really very frustrating. Also, the weather hasn't been good. There's still a cloud cover and and there's still no rain! What's happening? It's so humid and oppressive. No wonder I am not feeling well. What is worse is that my batteries are not getting charged. No sunlight and hence no solar energy. Anyway, since I'm not teaching and getting bored lying in bed, I've decided to use one of the CMPCs that the kids use to type out something... today's blog entry?

Instead of writing their assignments on the CMPCs the girls were using the built-in cameras to take pictures of themselves. I discovered this when I went to check their assignments! This is Lalita....

Many people, though not daring to say it to me directly, have complained to others that I sound depressed and frustrated. That my blogs read as if I detest the community that I work with. That I live in a village because it makes me feel "superior". Who knows? They may be right. I do think about all this myself -- did I come here because I was a misfit in Delhi? Have I become a development worker to avoid taking care of a family? Am I really unable to form relationships with people -- especially the ones who work on the project. Believe me, I have a LOT of time to think -- especially when I am ill and in bed -- like now.

But the blog is my way of communitcating, sharing with people what I am thinking and feeling. My readers are interacting with colleagues, family and friends on a daily basis. They might bad-mouth their neighbours or even their own friends during the course of a conversation. But for me, the blog is the only way I not only keep you informed of what's happening on the project but also sharing with you what I am feeling at the moment -- anger, frustration, depressing, elation and joy too! But simply because it get's commited to print (I was about to say paper) what would seem like a simple gossip or comment seems more important than it really is.

... and this is Radha... Maybe Anjana did not have time to take a picture of herself...

And because the blog is my way of communicating, it's frustrating when I don't get any comments on it and much is said off it! It's like talking to a wall that doesn't talk back, but whispers when my back is turned to it! Anyway.....

When Sukanya was a baby, I used to be very excited about buying her toys. I'd get her wind-up cars, bugs and beetles and a host of other toys that I never had the good fortune of having when I was a child. Unfortunately, the toys were always too "advanced" for her age. A baby who was just learning to crawl would hardly be interested in a racing car!Her mother used to be irritated. Get her what she needs, or wait till she's able to appreciate what you get her, she'd say.

Meena was right. The toys were more for me than for Sukanya. I wanted her to have what I didn't have as a child. I was using her as an excuse to be able to indulge in my childhood fantasies of playing with cars and other toys. I never once thought of going out and buying her a doll. My excuse: don't wish her to "role conditioned" into behaving like a girl.

Anyway, Sukanya was all-girl when she was growing up and is a fine woman now. And I'm not saying this because I'm her father. I've seen very few kids grow up on their own. I was never there and her mother has always been engrossed in her work. So Sunkanya would get ready and go to school and come back and cook for herself from the time she entered her teens.She'd deal with her own problems. No one had to ask her to study. And unlike many other parents, Meena never had to run around for her education. Sukanya behaved like a responsible adult from a very young age. She's definitely a lot more sensible and practical than I'll ever be. And as I always say, she got her brains from her mother and lack of beauty from me!

Anyway, this is not about Sukanya. Funnily enough, this is about running a project: Do development projects treat communities the way I treated Sukanya when she was a child? Am I, and others like me, giving them something they are not interested in or ready for? I sometimes feel that NGOs often (A) implement programmes that they feel should be implemented (and sometimes this is necessary) and (B) often implement programmes that the communities are not ready for. Do people want better homes? Better clothes, better education for their children? You and I think so. But does the community think like that? If they really do wish for such things, why aren't they willing to work or strive for them?

Example one: After we gave the villagers a couple of paddy-threshing machines, I announced to everyone that if they could form similar groups of five, we'd get them more machines. It's been a year and not one person has come forward to avail of this opportunity! Or discuss any difficulties they may be facing. And this is despite regular visits to the community!

Example two: While Rahul was here, we met a few people who were working with computers. Rahul then offered to arrange for a training programme for them in Delhi -- a programme that would not only teach the participants about what a computer can do but also help them to use their knowledge to generate income for themselves. We made every effort to spread the word around. I met a few people might have been able to suggest a few trainees. End result? No one is interested. No one has come forward.

One thing is certain -- I'm not going to go around begging them to attend a training session so that I can write that in my report. I'm also not going to buy paddy threshing machines and distribute them in the villages just because some donor agency has given me funds to buy these machines.In fact, this is one of the reasons I am averse to asking donor agencies for funds. Once I accept the funds, I'll HAVE TO implement the programme even if it's not viable.

If you think I sound like a frustrated old development activist, then listen to what Ramnath in Cheo has to say: The people don't want to work because they are getting free rations. The children don't wish to study because they will be "passed" anyway. Parents send kids to our school for a couple of years so that they learn enough to get admission easily. Ramnath is from the local community and has been working with his own community for as long as I have worked in this area.

Now here's something I always ask myself -- if you on shore and see a ship sinking and you know you can't stop it from sinking, what would you do? Just wring your hands and watch it sink? Find people who can stop the disaster? Or jump in and rescue as many people as you can? I have my answer. What about you?

Off Colour, but Online

The net is still giving me trouble. But the only difference is that now it is I getting calls from Airtel informing me about the problem and also reassuring me that the problem will be fixed soon. They estimate it will take a couple of days. Meanwhile, they will ensure that I can do my work. This means that I will have connectivity, but it's going to be slow. Well, I'm used to slow connections. As long as they work and the sun shines, I'm happy. Why sunshine in this heat? I have enough solar power to keep my laptop charged.

Nothing uneventful has happened since I last wrote. School is fine. The children are regular and eager. I'm enjoying teaching. Khagen and Suman are doing their work efficiently and quietly. Bhola too has started visiting the villages. But since they are putting earth on the roads in the area, he is going to the villages directly using another route and not via the project. So I don't get to see him much. Which is fine. He's available on the phone and comes here if needed. As I mentioned earlier, he's more use to the project by staying in Devdand than hanging around here.

But this morning he rushed to the project to take to the doctor in Godda. Of course I didn't go. Actually, this morning I nearly collapsed while teaching in class 2. I don't really know what happened, but suddenly my head started spinning and I had to come away and lie down. After a little rest when I went to teach class 3, the same thing happened again. I decided to take it easy. I informed Bhola to be ready to fetch a doctor if needed. But of course, he got very concerned and rushed to the project to take me to Godda to get a check up.

I didn't go because by the time Bhola got here I was feeling fine. I think it was my blood pressure. I think taking it easy will fix the problem -- whatever it is. Maybe it is the ida and pingala nadis trying to find a balance? Anyway, there's no need to panic. I should be fine. In fact, right now, I am feeling fine.

The weather has been strange too. We've had cloud cover for the past couple of days. But no rain. The temperature isn't very warm, but it's certainly very humid. Maybe that's why I'm feeling "ill"? I've never been very good at dealing with humidity. I remember that as a teenager I used to be perpetually "ill" in Kolkata despite doing weightlifting and being perfectly healthy! The humidity used to sap my energy completely.

I told the younger kids that they wouldn't be getting their uniforms this year. They seemed quite disappointed, but I think they also understood the logic behind my madness.

Well, that's all for today. I'm hurrying to upload this entry because I'm running out of battery. Also, it get's dark early these days and once that happens, the laptop attracts a lot of insects. Some of them have a mean bite!

Net Problems All Over Again

I don't know why I allowed myself to be lulled into this false belief that the net would work without a hitch. In fact, it hasn't been working at all! When it does, I am grateful. Like this morning, I was quite happy that I was able to check mail. The net hadn't been working all of Sunday and I had started wondering if I'd have to wait for another month to be able to get online! But when it worked this morning I thought to myself -- Wow! I'll be able to upload a blog entry this evening.

Well, I couldn't. I tried and tried from 3:45 till 5:30 and then again from 7:00 (no I did not do my full yoga session) and now finally I am writing on a notepad in the hope that I'll be able to upload it someday. I am also wondering why I hadn't done this earlier -- why I was dying to share my thoughts and feeling about the project. Now that moment has passed and I really don't have much to say!

I am very concerned about the project these days. Not only concerned about the present and the financial crisis that the project is in, but also about the future. What will is going to happend to this place? Who will take over? Will the school continue after I'm gone?

Deena left after 14 years. Rajkanna left after 3 years.Chandan left after 5 years. Rajin showed not interest. So many others came and went. A few that were willing to stay were not capable. And there was no guarantee that they would have stayed on after my departure. So what happens to the project and the school after I've gone?

I've talked to some friends about it. Discussed it with local people. No one seems to have an answer. They all say silly things like -- You are not going anywhere. Where's the guarantee? I could be gone any moment. In fact I could have been gone on Friday night had I stepped on the cobra which was right next to my bed.

Honestly, I wouldn't really care once I've gone. But it would be sad that so much money and effort should go to waste. Or worse, go to people who don't deserve it! I know that there are a few local businessmen who are counting the trees and estimating the amount of brick that can be recovered if the buildings are demolised. And believe me, I'm not being dramatic.

On Independence Day I mentioned to the assembled parents and villagers that it's becoming difficult for me to keep the project going. I am tired of begging for funds. I'm tired of trying to find GOOD teachers who are sincere about teaching. I've already informed them that I will probably run the project as a gurukul for as long as I can and then leave. Strangely, there was no reaction at all. Later some people asked Bhola, what will happen to the buildings? The roofing sheets could be distributed. And who will get the trees? Not a single parent wanted to know who will teach their kids! Not one parent wished to know if they could do something to help.

Anyway, que sera sera. Right now I still have enough energy to teach. I don't need much to keep body and soul together. I'm sure that can be arranged. As long as the kids show they are really interested in learning, I'll find the enthusiasm to continue teaching. The rest I leave to Destiny.

It's been a routine day. The kids are happy with their new uniforms. And then I did a very stupid thing. I had a tailor take the measurements of the kids in classes one and two! The idea was to use the left over material to stitch shits for them. But when the last kid was being measured, it suddenly struck me that the class two kids students will be wearing Indian uniform next year. So what's the point of giving them shirts now. Also, in three month's time, some of the kids in classes one and two are definitely not going to seek re-admission. They are not going to pass their exams. And they are simply too old to stay on in those classes. So now, I've decided that no shirts are going to be stitched till next year's admission! What's going to be very embarrassing is having to admit to the disappointed kids that their guruji is capable of making humongous blunders! I'm sure they'll love that and forget their own disappointment.

Bhola has started village visits all over again. Today he went to Lomboi Marandi's home. He also had to deal with a puncture and with an irrate Harish. Apparently, Bruni and her brood ate up one of his hens. And not only that. They attacked the goats and bit one of them. Harish is Parvati's father. He didn't know how to face me. So he took it out on poor Bhola! I will let them deal with this. If there's a fine to be paid, Suman and Khagen will pay. That will ensure that they take care of the dogs and keep them tied up during the day as I keep instructing them.

Well, dinner is waiting. So I'll end this now. Hope I can upload it when I get back....

20:31 17-08-2009: Dinner's over... but I still can't upload... hope things are going to be better tomorrow?

18th Aug... the net seems to be working again... but is quite slow at the moment. Anyway, hopefully I will be able to upload this now... but there's no way I'll be able to upload any pictures given the present speed.

Midnight Mayhem

The flag has been hoised. Speeches made. And sweets distributed. The benches that the children had put out for the parents and guests have been put away. The place is back to normal. It's hard to believe that a while ago there were over 200 people gathered here. How do we know? Bhola had brought 200 paper plates and we ran short of them. Why he ordered paper plates instead of distributing the sweets on old newspaper or leaves, is something I haven't asked him. He likes to be a bit "modern" at times.

The children were given their new uniforms yesterday in the evening when they came to prepare for today's flag-hoisting ceremony.

My English-speaking, "modern" kids were looking quite traditional and nice in their new salwar-kameez and pajama-kurtas -- thanks to Mrs Goswami's contribution. Today would have been her husband Shantanu's birthday. So it seems very appropriate that the clothes were worn today and for such a worthy occasion.

Initially the children were quite self-conscious -- especially the girls, some of whom did not like the tailoring! But after a while, they all seemed quite "free and comfy" in their new attire. The girls had all bought red bead necklaces to wear!

Khagen had written speeches in Hindi, Santhali, "Khorta" (local non-tribal dialect) and Bengali for the kids and they all came and "recited" their speeches in which they talked about the sacrifices made by freedom fighters so that we could live in a free country. Vishnu Pandit, who is Kanchan's father and also the teacher for Roldih's Government School gave a speech about the significance of the flag. I talked about the need to preserve the freedom we have received and also mentioned about the economic difficulties being faced globally and how it has affected the project. I've told parents and children that we had to let go of some teachers because we can't afford to have them. I also told them that it may not be possible for us to give shampoo and soap on a regular basis.

I left immediately after my speech as I was feeling quite unwell and it was an effort to keep standing. In fact, I have not been feeling too well since night before last. And last night's excitement over the Cobra did not help matters.

I must have drifted off to sleep at about 11:00 pm when I was suddenly woken up by Bruni's barking. When I finally managed to switch on the torch I saw a snake coming out from under my bed and trying to hide behind the solar panels propped against the wall on the veranda. I called Khagen and by the time he and Suman got to me, the snake had disappeared. We searched all over but couldn't find it.

Then just as Khagen was saying goodnight all over again, he spotted a tail sticking out from my walking shoes! I use these shoes for my morning walk and they are propped up at the foot of my bed. When the shoes were prodded, the Cobra unwound itself. Khagen lost no time beating it to death. It's wasn't particularly big -- about 4 feet. But thicker than the last one we killed on the Banyan tree. This one must have fallen off the tree onto my roof and then found its way on the veranda. Since the veranda is cemented, it couldn't move very fast. And since it was cold last night because of the rain, it probably was feeling lethargic anyway. As usual, I feel bad that such a beautiful creature had to die. But really, we can't risk having Cobras running around where children come to school.

As a rule we try not to kill any snake on the project. The fauna was here before we arrived. But when they come into the living area, we have no choice but to kill them. We do try to chase them away. But Cobras are notoriously aggressive.

It did rain a lot last night. The night before it had rained all night and last night it had rained from 5:30 till about 10:00. The weather is quite pleasant and I am sure the rain is making the farmers happy. They may not be able to grow paddy, but the conditions are perfect for maize and lentils. There may not be a famine in the project area at least.

I wonder what is worse -- swine flu or famine? Isn't it strange that so much is going wrong these days? Terrorism, natural calamities -- earthquakes, cyclones, famine -- diseases and also economic meltdown.

Generous Mrs Goswami

No yoga today. The sky is looking ominous and it's going to pour and pour and I have no wish to give up my asanas midway. So I've decided to give it a break. Now I do hope it rains. It will be very disappointing if it does not.

Today the school kids and Bhola spent a lot of the "free time" to spruce up the campus in preparation of Independence Day. They even put up the flag pole and hoisted the flag a few times to ensure that it would unfurl smoothly on D-day.

The new uniforms for classes 3 and 4 will be ready by tomorrow and they will be distributed tomorrow evening so that the children can wear them for Independence Day. I just spoke to Mrs Goswami and she has very kindly agreed to pay for the material for the pajamas and chunni. The children are going to pay for the stitiching. It's going to be about Rs. 60 per head. Had Mrs Goswami not agreed to pay for the material it would have worked out to about Rs. 200 per child. Somewhat unaffordable at this juncture when famine is stalking the land. The project is in no position to pay. So it's fortuitious that Mrs Goswami has agreed to foot the bill.

I'm really excited about this too. I've been wanting the children to wear traditional clothes. Most people here feel that to be educated is to wear western clothes. Some of our ex-teachers wouldn't be caught dead in traditional clothes. I'm happy that "my" children are quite excited and looking forward to their new uniforms.

The net is working fine now. Earlier I was able to connect at 64kbps and now, thanks to Rahul and his influence, I am able to connect at 256kbps! Amazing, isn't it? Unfortunately, for about three hours this morning, we were unable to make phone calls! Thank God, the phones are working now.

Cool Guru's Gurukul -- dream or reality?

It has been a routine day so far. School in the morning. Nothing unusual. The class 2 kids are getting used to me and I to them. Class 3 is more interactive and class 4 behave like grownups! They are teaching English in class 1 and I often have to drag them away from class -- they enjoy teaching that much. The class 1 kids are taking them seriously. I thought they might not considering that many of them are related to the "teachers".

At times it seems that there might be a cloud burst. The sky looks ominously dark. But suddenly the clouds dissipate and there's absolutely no rain. Not even a few drops left behind as a momento by the gathered clouds.

The weather is hot and humid. No change there either. The few clouds that dominated the skyline for a few days seem to have disappeared. We have sunshine and once in a while, a few drops of rain from some wayward cloud desperate to shed some weight.

The trees are growing. The ones that were planted earlier are mostly taller than us. The new ones are almost waist high. Had it rained, there may have been better growth. It's perhaps fortunate that we were not able to plant more trees this year. We have planted a few. But nothing exotic or expensive. Even if they don't survive it won't matter. The "arhar" (lentil) and maize we have planted near the new well are growing. Apparently less rain means a better maize crop. I had my first "bhutta" of the season yesterday. I'm sure the kids are going to be bringing us more. Today we got "gandhari saag" and "karela" from Kartik and Prahlad. Stella brought us some limes. There was a time when I'd say no to them. But not any more. If they wish to share, why not?

Besides, it looks as if that a time will come when I may have to survive on what contributions the villagers make! Traditionally, in a "gurukul" (traditional Indian school), the teacher (guru) owned a patch of land which was cultivated by the students who lived with him. He also lived off the "dakshina" (offering/fees) provided by the students and their families. This place is slowly turning into a "gurukul". There is essentially one guru, a small patch of land that is quite literally looked after by the students during "shram daan". The project survives on contributions made by friends and volunteers.

There's been some rain. But not enough for paddy. Some farmers have gone ahead and planted hoping that there'd be more rain. That, however, seems very unlikely now.

I have a friend who started an ashram in the Himalayas. He has a school too. And his entire ashram survives on volunary contribution. I wonder if that is possible here. In Uttaranchal there is a tradition of supporting ashrams and spiritual people. In Jharkhand people are more used to "receiving" than "giving". But it's something worth experimenting with.

The children have been busy cleaning up the project in preparation of Independence Day. I see some enthusiasm in them. But not as much as there used to be say a decade ago. In the cities I hardly see any enthusiasm at all! I sometimes wonder about those who gave their lives to get us freedom. I sometimes wonder what they would feel if they could come back and see India today.

And now that I am back

I was woken up from my afternoon siesta by the 3rd phone call from Airtel today. Like before, they wanted to know if my net connection is working fine. Yes, it is. I tell them, trying not to sound irritated. How do I ever convey to them the frustration and inconvenience they had caused me by not fixing a fixable problem. It couldn't have been a major problem. How else did it get fixed in a few hours since Rahul got in touch with the higher-ups in Airtel? It's sad that one has to use "influence" to get things done in this country. Had Rahul not contacted the people he did, perhaps I would have had to wait for yet another month before any action would have been taken. Anyway, I'm glad I'm online once more and am able to communicate.

While I was unable to upload any blog entries, I did keep writing, though not regularly. I've uploaded the "journal entries" and you can read them if you have the time and patience. But I thought I'd also fill you in on what's happening on the project right now.

This picture was taken a month ago... before I started doing my yoga. You'll be happy to know that my paunch has considerably reduced... or at least I think so! I can do the "halasana" (plough). I wouldn't be able to do that with a paunch that big! Would I?

Nothing much really. We have school. It now starts at 7:30 and finishes at 11:00. We only have two teachers -- Khagen and me. Khagen teaches all subjects in nursery and Hindi and Maths in classes 1,2 and 3. I teach English, Science and Social Studies in classes 2,3 and 4. In fact I teach all subjects in class 4. There's a workable routine in place and everything is working smoothly.

Khagen is doing all the cooking these days besides teaching. In fact, he's in charge of the kitchen while Suman takes care of the trees, the vegetable patch and all the other stuff that needs to be done around the project. He seems happy in his new role. Khagen too seems quite happy with his new responsibilities. The project is very quiet and very peaceful.

Bhola comes every morning for a few hours. He takes care of "shram daan" classes -- in other words helps the kids clean up the campus etc. He then goes away. If there's any outside work to be done, he does it. There are no village visits these days as all the villagers are busy with farm work and tired in the evening. I don't believe this is entirely true. But will find out soon.

Bansi, as you have probably figured, is no longer with us. He quit end of last month and I haven't seen him or heard from him since. He too is probably busy with work on his farm -- one of the reasons why he quit. I'm sad to see him go and do miss him at times. But I think it's about time he took care of his "family responsibilities". He has a lot of land and an aged mother and both need looking after.

The project is not doing very well financially. We do get a few stray contributions, but it's not enough. There are no volunteers coming either. Sharad's and Manas' regular contribution towards salaries is taking care of that part. But the project has other expenses -- food, phone, petrol, soap and shampoo for kids etc. I'm managing as best as I can with whatever I have. And tightening the belt as much as I can. I guess we'll ride out the recession and hope for better times so that people become more generous.

I'm still doing my yoga and meditation and so I'm feeling good both physically and mentally. The weather, however, is not very nice. It's quite hot and humid most of the time and hence very enervating. I had to skip yoga on a couple of occasions simply because the humidity was too oppressive. I do all this (yoga, etc) in the evenings and I'm incommunicado between 5:00 to 8:00 p.m. That does not mean I'm very communicative in the mornings either! By the time I finish my walk and meditation in the morning, it's time for breakfast. Once breakfast is over, I hardly get any time to change before school starts. Once school is over, I do have a few moments till lunch. After lunch, I have a siesta till 3:00 p.m. I do a bit of reading and writing before I start my practise. Today's been an exception. Since I was woken up from my siesta by the Airtel guy, I decided to write this blog entry instead of trying to get back to sleep.