Heat and Mangoes

The promised monsoon has not arrived as yet. Oh yes, we do get the occasional shower, but it adds to the discomfort because humidity goes up. Wonder when the rains will start in earnest. A few days ago it seemed that the monsoon had arrived. But we were somewhat premature in our celebrations!

So, at the moment it's hot here and humid. And the situation is worse on the project. It's hotter there and humidity levels have gone up considerably. This means that the evenings are not very pleasant either. Bhola told me that they are all having 3 to 4 baths a day to stay cool. But a bath provides relief for just a few moments. He was envying the fact that I am able to sit under a fan. It made me feel guilty. But then, at his age I was without a fan too! He can go to Devdand and sit under a fan if he wanted to. I did not have that luxury when I was living in Cheo and Paharpur. But I must admit I am grateful that I can sit under a fan and even though it's hard to admit, I am glad I am here in Kolkata and not in Roldih in this heat.

I must also admit that I am bored out of my wits! There's nothing much to do here and it's too hot go out though there are so many things that one can do in this city -- visit art galleries, go to the theater, attend a music concert, etc, etc. But I do none of these because it's too hot and far away and I don't like going alone to these places. Besides, where is the money? Everything costs. So I stay indoors mostly and brood. Still no news about Bolpur. But there's hope. I've heard someone wishes to rent out their "outhouse" -- servant's quarters basically. I'll go and check it out once I find out if the news is genuine.

I've just learnt from Bhola that there haven't been yoga classes in school for a while. That's because classes start very early and there's no time before school and after school it is too hot. I've suggested that the kids do pranayam just before assembly. Perhaps Bhola will take my advise. He's thinking of pushing back the school timings anyway. But is waiting for it to rain and become cooler.

Shanku is back on the project. He had gone home and was due to come back on the 17th but had extended his leave because his mother was unwell. I haven't spoken to him and so don't know how she is now, but the fact that he's back is an indication that she's probably better.

According to Bhola, all is well. He was, in fact, plucking mangoes when he received my call. He has gathered over 150 mangoes and there are still that many on the trees. He's disappointed that I am not on the project to eat a few of them and they will probably not be there by the time I go to the project. Anyway, I'm glad that there are so many mangoes. We can now distribute them amongst the school children. I'm sure they've been eying them for a long, long time!

Clearing up a Misunderstanding

Perhaps I had been a bit dramatic in one of my posts when I said I am "leaving the project" or "going away". The fact is that I did leave the project and I did go away. But not PERMANENTLY! Though, to be honest, sometimes I do wish I could. Won't have to worry about funding for the project. Or feel guilty for staying away. Or feel responsible for it. But I know that since the project has been a part of my life for so many years, no matter where I go, I will feel responsible for the project and  the people it serves -- even if the project's involvement in the community isn't as great as it could be or should be. The project could do a lot more. But we have to face reality -- we can't find enough dedicated people to scale up operations. And perhaps the community is not ready for more involvement.

How do I know this? Well, last year we offered to buy paddy threshing machines for the more villagers (we have already bought two). But no one came forward to take up the offer! We offered to help people with roof repairs and the story was the same. There were no takers!

Anyway, I'm drifting away from the main point, which is, that I felt that my capabilities were being underutilized on the project in Roldih and I want to be able to do more during the few more years of active life that I have left. I want to set up something in Bolpur so that I could work with students there and also the rural communities in the surrounding areas. I haven't been successful in setting up base, but that's another story. But the main purpose of leaving the project was to be able to do more and yet be close enough (reason for choosing Bolpur) to the project so that I could remain involved.

It so happened that when I came to Kolkata, I got this opportunity to do some training work which not only helped me to understand myself and my capabilites better, but also gave me an opportunity to meet some very interesting people and see some new places in India. I had been "stuck" on the project for so long that my world had become very limited indeed. Being able to move out has helped me to expand my horizons.

When I left Roldih, I had all intentions of visiting frequently and teaching. But the weather has not permitted that. Nor did my health. Though not seriously ill, I have not been well, ever since I moved to Kolkata. I get low grade fever very often that lasts for weeks and leaves me feeling weak. Hence, I have been a bit reluctant to go to Roldih in this heat. Classes are being held for 2 hours a day due to the heat. I know that I'd just be sitting and brooding for the day and feeling uncomfortable and perhaps even falling seriously ill.

So let me assure all of you that I have not ABANDONED the project. I've just taken som time off to rediscover myself and find out if I can do more than what I am doing at the moment. The project is too much a part of my life for me to GO AWAY permanently.

Bhola is doing a good job of running the project while I am away. Suman, Shanku, Kartik, Raiman and Radha are quite involved. Teaching has not suffered. Yes, they are not learning English. But they are studying all other subjects and that's what's important.

I'm waiting for the monsoon to start in earnest and then you'll find me back on the project again. And if some of you can make it to Roldih, hope to see you there!

It's Raining in Kolkata!

It's raining in Kolkata. And for once, it's pretty cool here. We've had a few showers over the past few days, but only for short spells that left the city feeling like a steaming sauna. But this is the monsoon rain that has been going on for a while. Hopefully it will continue to rain off and on now and the weather will improve.

I just spoke to Bhola to find out if Roldih has been blessed with rain too. But they've had no such luck. It's still very hot. The only cooling experience they've had is the occasional cloud cover. At times it seems like rain, but doesn't. I know how frustrating that can be.

Even though I'm not frustrated with the weather, I am quite frustrated with life in general. I've been away from the project since February but I have not been able to do any of the things I had set out to do! I left Roldih to set up a centre in Bolpur and in that task I have failed miserably. I still haven't found a place to rent there. And unless I can set up a base in Bolpur, I can't start the centre. It's really frustrating. I'm willing to pay for rent, and yet can't find anyone willing to give me a place on rent. I've followed up on every lead, but to no avail.

I wish I had the money to buy a flat in Bolpur. That would solve a lot of problems. Firstly, I wouldn't have to rent a separate place to set up the centre. Secondly, since it would be MY property, no one could say anything about my activities there. But property prices have shot up recently and I certainly can't afford the 12-15 lakhs needed to buy a small flat. Even if I buy a small plot and build on it, it will still cost a lot more.

Anyway, I've been following up with agents, friends and friends of friends and I'm hoping something will work out. Meanwhile, I am feeling frustrated and non-productive. Also, I have not been well. It's nothing serious. But frequent headaches, low grade fever on most days seems to leave me with very little energy to be "productive". I've done a bit of training work. But that's all I have done. I could go back to Roldih, but the weather there is preventing me from doing so. So I am looking forward to the monsoon starting there. At least, I could go back and teach and feel that I am doing something useful.

I don't have much news of the project really. I speak to Bhola often. But all I get to hear is "all is well". School is from 6 am till 8 am because it is too hot. Even if I'd been on the project, I'd probably be brooding most of the time. Here at least I can watch TV and with the World Cup on, it's probably a good time to be here. Unfortunately, most of the matches are in the night (India time).

Shanku has gone on leave for a week. So Suman and Kartik are at the project along with Bhola. They are all praying for rain and probaly envying me for the beatuful Kolkata weather I am enjoying. Fortunately, it's a Sunday and so it hasn't disrupted life for people. For me, every day is a Sunday these days.

Christine Bernard

I really don't have much news of the project to share with you. When I returned from Agartala day before yesterday, I spoke to Bhola briefly over the phone. According to him all is well. The school is doing ok. Raiman and Kartik have recovered from their illnesses and Radha, who had taken a few days off to attend to some family business is back teaching.

The weather, however, has not been very good. It's still hot even though a few stray showers did provide some relief once in a while. Bhola had taken a few of the Roldih school children to Cheo for a visit on one such cool day.

I'm back from Agartala after a successful JNLI training session -- three sessions, in fact. I was able to see a fair bit of Tripura in the process and meet a lot of interesting and intelligent young people. Unfortunately, Tripura is on the other side of Bangladesh and hence somewhat isolated. It's beautiful and lush green. The people somewhat conservative and traditional. I really liked being there.

But no sooner did I arrive back in Kolkata I fell ill once again. I've in bed since I got back Monday evening. I'm feeling a lot better today and hence this blog entry for whatever it's worth.

I am also trying to contact my friend Christine Bernard. She left a message on the blog without leaving her email address! So Christine, if you are reading this, please email me at dakshinayan@gmail.com so that we can re-establish contact. It would be wonderful to be back in touch with Patricia and Gilles too! My daughter, who is touring Europe now, spent a few days in Grenoble! Unfortunately, I was unable to give her your contacts. Write to me all of you at the email address I've just provided.

That's all from me for the moment. Wish me a speedy recovery so that I can get back to work!

School timings change yet again

School timings have changed yet again. School now starts at 6 a.m and is over by 9 a.m. There is to be no "shram daan" as it is too hot. And there's no need for a break so early in the morning. So there'll be three hours of studies and the children can get back home before it becomes too hot.

Ours is perhaps the only school open in Jharkhand. All the other schools -- government as well as private -- are closed due to the heat. They don't have the flexibility we have regarding school timings and so I guess they didn't have any other alternative but to shut down.

I was hoping to go to the project, but Bhola adviced me not to come before it starts raining or cools down a bit. "What will you do all day?" he asked. Apparently it's too hot to even sit under the shade of the banyan tree. There's a "loo" (hot wind) blowing all the time.

So now that I can't go to the project, what am I supposed to do? The next training programme is not due till mid May. I did not go to Hyderabad, though now I regret it. Hence, there's nothing for me to do but cool my heels here in Kolkata. I could, of course, go to Bolpur and try and find a flat to move to. But it's apparently extremely hot there too. Not ideal conditions for house hunting. I've put out the word, but so far have not received any news.

My Delhi trip was not as fruitful as I expected. Of course, I did get to meet Sukanya after almost 3 years. But she and her mother and I were so tense about her trip to Europe that we did not get to spend any time together. That her flight took off on the appointed day was a miracle of sorts. It was delayed by 3 hours, but did leave with her on it. She made it to Amsterdam safely and also managed to get her connecting flight to Geneva the following day. Fortunately, she has been able to stick to her travel schedule there onwards or else, she would have lost a lot of money!

My other objective of going to Delhi was to sort out Dakshinayan's accounts. Unfortunately, here I have been unsuccessful. My auditor was not in town! I only met him for an hour just before I came back to Delhi! What's worse, is that the person deputed to look after Dakshinayan's accounts in his office had gone on leave and would not return till the end of the month. What unfortunate circumstances! I had been planning this trip for over a month and had informed everyone about it. And yet, when I showed up in Delhi, the key players were absent.

Anyway, I'm now back in Kolkata. Sweating like a pig. It's hot and humid. That makes it so unbearable. Delhi was hotter, but the dry heat somehow is a lot more bearable. And fortunately, they have airconditioners everywhere -- in the homes, taxis, buses, shops and offices. It certainly makes life easy.

Now I am wondering what next? It's too hot to go to the project. It's too hot to go to Bolpur. It's too hot to go visiting......It's just too hot! Maybe it's time to read, meditate or pray for rain.