Clearing up a Misunderstanding

Perhaps I had been a bit dramatic in one of my posts when I said I am "leaving the project" or "going away". The fact is that I did leave the project and I did go away. But not PERMANENTLY! Though, to be honest, sometimes I do wish I could. Won't have to worry about funding for the project. Or feel guilty for staying away. Or feel responsible for it. But I know that since the project has been a part of my life for so many years, no matter where I go, I will feel responsible for the project and  the people it serves -- even if the project's involvement in the community isn't as great as it could be or should be. The project could do a lot more. But we have to face reality -- we can't find enough dedicated people to scale up operations. And perhaps the community is not ready for more involvement.

How do I know this? Well, last year we offered to buy paddy threshing machines for the more villagers (we have already bought two). But no one came forward to take up the offer! We offered to help people with roof repairs and the story was the same. There were no takers!

Anyway, I'm drifting away from the main point, which is, that I felt that my capabilities were being underutilized on the project in Roldih and I want to be able to do more during the few more years of active life that I have left. I want to set up something in Bolpur so that I could work with students there and also the rural communities in the surrounding areas. I haven't been successful in setting up base, but that's another story. But the main purpose of leaving the project was to be able to do more and yet be close enough (reason for choosing Bolpur) to the project so that I could remain involved.

It so happened that when I came to Kolkata, I got this opportunity to do some training work which not only helped me to understand myself and my capabilites better, but also gave me an opportunity to meet some very interesting people and see some new places in India. I had been "stuck" on the project for so long that my world had become very limited indeed. Being able to move out has helped me to expand my horizons.

When I left Roldih, I had all intentions of visiting frequently and teaching. But the weather has not permitted that. Nor did my health. Though not seriously ill, I have not been well, ever since I moved to Kolkata. I get low grade fever very often that lasts for weeks and leaves me feeling weak. Hence, I have been a bit reluctant to go to Roldih in this heat. Classes are being held for 2 hours a day due to the heat. I know that I'd just be sitting and brooding for the day and feeling uncomfortable and perhaps even falling seriously ill.

So let me assure all of you that I have not ABANDONED the project. I've just taken som time off to rediscover myself and find out if I can do more than what I am doing at the moment. The project is too much a part of my life for me to GO AWAY permanently.

Bhola is doing a good job of running the project while I am away. Suman, Shanku, Kartik, Raiman and Radha are quite involved. Teaching has not suffered. Yes, they are not learning English. But they are studying all other subjects and that's what's important.

I'm waiting for the monsoon to start in earnest and then you'll find me back on the project again. And if some of you can make it to Roldih, hope to see you there!