Going Away -- for good?

In a month or so we will probably be wishing for some cool breeze or a bit of cloud cover. But not right now. And right now it is hard to imagine that this place will become a furnace soon. For right now, it is cloudy and chilly and the sun, when it appears, looks like an orange ball in the sky. You can actually look at it. It looks pretty, but has no warmth. It's cold all over again!

I've stopped teaching. And today I did not even go to the assembly. Asha (Joanna) says it seemed very strange not to have me there. But what's the point? I won't be there any more! I am going away and tomorrow will be my "last day". And I am already feeling sad.

When I took the decision to "go away", I was elated. It was as if a huge rock had just rolled off my shoulder. But as the moment of my "departure" draws closer, the same rock has found its place somewhere in my heart!

But how is this "going away" any different from all the other "departures"? I've been away from the project before. Sometimes for months. So why should things be different this time? It's not as if I won't be back. I will be. I hope to visit the project for a week every month. And now that everyone here has a mobile phone, I'll probably be in touch with the project on a daily basis. So it's obviously not the physical absence but rather the mental "going away" that is so significant.

Yes, I've mentally decided that I've had enough of this area and Jharkhand. I've calculated that I've given this area -- the Rajmahal Hills and the surroundings -- about 30 years of my life off and on. And at 57, that's over 50% of my life! I don't think I have too many years of active life left and so I'd like to use them to move ahead a little bit, if I can.

I leave behind an infrastructure. I leave behind methods and systems. I leave behind people who should now work for their own community with the same (hopefully) dedication that I have set an example for. So now, like a good friend put it, it's time for me to stop being "mother hen". It's time for me to start trusting others to do a good job.

I'll be there in spirit, of course. I don't think that I will be able to detach myself completely after spending so many years here. I'll be there to support and find support for the work being done here. But I will no longer stay here and worry about whether there's enough food in the kitchen, or if Suman has watered the plants, or why is the chair lying in the sun, or why Bablu Murmu has not come to school for the past 5 days and why no one has bothered to find out. In other words, I don't want to be thinking of "small things" all the time. I now wish to look at the bigger picture. See a bigger world and explore possibilities of HELPING OTHERS to do bigger things. I don't wish to start anything big by myself.

That's why I have shelved the orphanage/old age home project I had in mind. It would be too big. It would require huge amonths of funding and it would require a huge amount of dedication and involvement and I am not sure I have that kind of energy any more.

But I will do SOMETHING. I am as yet unsure of what. But I have quite a few ideas and I will explore all avenues open to me. But first things first. I will now go to Kolkata and set up a proper office for Dakshinayan and sort out the paperwork. Because of my stay in Roldih, the "paperwork" has suffered. I really need to put things in order. Also, I need to re-establish contacts with people who have helped me get this far and also maintain contact with those few who continue to share my dreams and crazy schemes.

I will definitely move to Bolpur. Partly because I wish to be where the grass grows green. And partly because I will be "round the corner" from Roldih in case I am needed in a hurry. In Bolpur I will start by setting up a computer literacy school for underprivileged children and possibly a "spoken English" institute. But it's all "open" at the moment. I first need to live there to decided what ACTUALLY needs to be done. Dakshinayan always does what needs to be done rather than deciding what needs to be done and then selling it to a "target group" like many other organizations. No wonder that after so many years of "development", the ground reality remains unchanged. I'd like to believe that whatever Dakshinayan has done so far may not have been "massive", but at the same time has had some impact in the region.

I got evidence of this day before yesterday. Kusheshwar and his son Chandu (Chandrashekhar) dropped in at the project. While I could recognize Kusheshwar, from Garhsingla in the hills, I couldn't recognize the confident young man who was accompanying him. But when the young man touched my feet, I recognized him as Chandu, one of the five "Ashram Boys" from Paharpur. It turns out that he and Rajesh, another "ashram boy" were now studying in Godda College. Both of them got first division in their school finishing exam and were now in college! The others could not get into college because of some bureacratic hassle, but would join next year. Frankly, I was amazed. I was more amazed to hear that now there were over a dozen Paharia children from the Cheo centre who were studying in various colleges and institutions. One of them is even working as a data-entry specialist in a computer centre in Sahibganj, the adjoining district's headquarters.

When I first came to Cheo and set up the first ever school up in the hills in 1986, even I couldn't have imagined that this would one day be possible. The Paharias had no idea of schooling or education. Though the region had special residential schools for Paharias run by the government, the people did not wish to send their children "so far away". They also believed going to school was a waste of time. Today, they are falling over each other to get their children admitted to school. They are willing to pay. And in some cases willing to pay a bribe to get their wards enrolled in these government schools. And according to Kusheshwar, all thanks to Dakshinayan's efforts to spread literacy in the region. Should I believe him? I guess I should since we are still the only functioning school up in the hills!

It's rather ironic that they had actually come to request me to expand the scope of the Cheo centre at a time when I was planning to "go away". But I did assure them that as long as people like Ramnath and Chandrama were willing to run a school up there, I would find support for it. And if Chandu and others came forward to help, I would find ways of expanding the ambit of the Cheo centre. Let's see what happens. It's time others took the initiative and expressed dedication and involvement.

So here I am, writing this blog on a project that has all it needs to function well. Bhola is teaching in Class 4. Joanna (Asha) is teaching in Class 3. Kartik in Class 2. Radha in Class 1 and Raiman in Nursery. Three students who are now teachers here. Just like Ramnath and Chandrama in Cheo. MY STUDENTS. I am proud of all of them. I hope their numbers grow. I pray that some of the values I have given them, withstand the corruption that floats in the air in Jharkhand.

Since this is likely to be my last entry from Roldih, I might as well fill you in on what's been happening here over the past few weeks:

January was a very cold month. But Dani, Tak and Amie more than made up for the lack of sunshine with their cheerful personalities. It was great to have them here. It's a pity they didn't stay for more than a month. And it's a greater pity that Amie, who stayed for two months, could not give to the project as much as she was capable of. She came in December when school was coming to an end. And in January, most of the days were busy in getting the school started. But they all did what they could to help and I do regret that they are gone. All three of them!

Fortunately, Joanna from Poland is here. Asha didi, is quiet but dedicated. Her teaching is "old fashioned" like mine. But that seems to be very effective in this place. The children here are very focussed. Life is either all work or all play. They don't know how to mix the two. So even though they learn something "in play". I suspect they don't make as much progress as they do when they are made to study "seriously".

Unfortunately, she'll be here till the end of February. What then? Well, I'm not too worried about school as we have switched to the Hindi medium this year with English as one of the key subjects. Raiman, Radha and Kartik are competent enough to teach them basic English in Nursery and Classes 1 and 2 along with all the other subject. Classes 3 and 4 can study other subjects while there there's no one to teach English. But whenever, and IF, we have volunteers, they can learn English. In any case, I do plant to visit once a month for a few days and I'm sure I can take them ahead a little bit at a time over a long period. What's most important is that they learn Hindi, Science and Social Science and do their Maths as when they move to other schools, they will be reverting back to the Hindi medium. English has a place however. It gives them confidence and improves their social status.

January was also the month for festivals. We celebrated Saraswati Puja on the 20th and then Republic Day on the 26th. The turnout at both occasions was less than expected. But that's ok. While the parents of the school children attended, the villagers were mostly absent during the ceremonies, but arrived to receive the sweets that were being distributed. We've stopped inviting people from the village to hoist the flag because many of them demanded payment afterwards! So now the youngest girl child is entrusted with this honour and we feel it's most appropriate. This country belongs to them. Us adults are merely caretakers.

We also had a few "private" celebrations -- bonfires with pakoras and Pepsi. And we also celebrated Tak's birthday officially and Dani and Amie's birthdays unofficially on the same day -- the 1st of February. Mitali was present at these occasions. She's been playing the role of the host and escort for the volunteers of late!

Well, that's all from me for now. The next post will be from Kolkata. I'll keep everyone posted on my "progress" if any. And of course I'll give you news of the project from time to time.