A Storm in My Heart

I didn't sleep last night. But no one knows that. Not even Khagen and Suman who are partly responsible. However, I should take the blame for what happened... the little dogs are gone!

I had been so upset with Bruni's not-so-cute-anymore pups that I kept saying I wish there was some way we could get rid of them. Why the hell didn't you throw them away when they were small, I kept blaming Suman. Then at lunch, with a serious demeanour, I told Suman that I would deduct the cost of food from his salary.

Khagen had gone to meet his father who was in Burhikura market. When he came back he told me that he saw the dogs in the tractor. Tractor? Tractor!!! What were they doing in the tractor? You asked us to get rid of them and so we have sent them away to another village. The driver was looking for a dog as there are no dogs in his village. Which village? Garban – where Suman's in-laws live. Have they gone to your in-laws' house, I ask Suman. No, they will be in another part of the village. But don't worry, they will be well looked after.

I'm not worried. There are so many stary dogs that seem to be a lot more healthy than our dogs who were fed twice a day. But that's exactly what's bothering me. They were so well taken care of here that they probably don't know how to fend for themselves. And it's been raining. I hope they have a dry place to sleep. They are not used to being exposed to the elements. I'm really sad. And I am blaming myself for what happened. I was simply raving and ranting. I didn't mean to actually send them away.

So I'm sad. Very, very sad and this gloomy weather isn't helping matters either. It's been raining almost non-stop since dawn. The intensity varies, but it doesn't stop at all. It's a drizzle at times and at times it's a downpour. At times it turns stormy. And then it grows still – all one can hear is the pitter-patter of rain falling on the tin roofs or the leaves of the trees. I'm sure the trees love this weather.

Since I was awake, I went for a walk at dawn and took a few pictures of the gathering clouds overshadowing the pink dawn. I'm putting one picture here. I'm also putting up a couple of pictures taken by the New Teachers. I lent them my camera and asked them to take pictures of each other while they taught. Today was the turn of the girls. Tomorrow the boys will get a shot at taking pictures.

School went off well. The weather has been nice and cool, so energy levels were up. I was, however, feeling somewhat low on energy because of lack of sleep. I thought I'd be able to sleep this afternoon, but no such luck. I just can't sleep. Every time I lie down, I keep thinking of the little dogs. I wonder how they are.

This morning I stood near the gate hoping that they'd probably find their way back. But they did not come back. Maybe they are tied up. Maybe they can't find their way back. Maybe they are so well cared for that they don't wish to come back.

I have half a mind to ask Khagen or Suman to go and bring them back. But that would be stupid. Besides, it would be a sign of weakness. I have to remain the heartless boss who is decisive and strong. How can I let on that every time something like this happens, I die inside?