Sunday Blues

I had gone to Baba’s temple to pray. And on the way back I looked into the kitchen. Suman was busy making chapattis. He was working in the light of his headlamp. We put in new batteries today and so the light was bright enough to light up the entire kitchen.

It’s really handy – the headlamp. Lisi Moser sent it to us. And we can’t thank her enough. Suman certainly appreciates it. He uses it for everything – cooking, washing dishes, etc, etc.... and also chasing the pups who are growing up and becoming a nuisance.

I’m wondering what to do with them. Last night they all collected outside my room and wailed away! I went out once to shoo them away. Later I heard some volunteers come of their rooms to take care of them. Wonder what they did. They suddenly became silent. They were probably looking for their mother who was sleeping on the extra bed and pretending to be deaf! I think she’s had enough of them. I certainly do not find them cute anymore and the volunteers most definitely don’t after last night’s disturbance. I am hoping someone will take away a few. Imagine six grown up dogs running around the project. Who will feed them? Besides there are no vets in the vicinity and the few that are there don’t want to have anything to do with dogs.

Since today was a Sunday, the volunteers spent most of their time cleaning up and washing. Bhola came with part of the sweets we will distribute tomorrow for Republic Day. He will bring the rest. But he spent the whole day here helping Bansi put up the flag pole. He also one of the iron windows for welding. The hinge had broken. Then he and Bansi went to the Agiya Mor haat (local market) to buy vegetables and provisions for the project. He’ll be back tomorrow morning with the rest of the sweets and also to participate in the celebrations. I’m so glad he is involved. He’s really a big help. In fact, he’s going to Kolkata tomorrow in the evening to bring back the caps that I had ordered for the children. These are caps with the school’s name printed on them and bearing the uniform colours – yellow and blue. I wish they had arrived earlier when it was very cold. But I guess the kids can wear them for summer too.

The day did not start well. Bansi had gone to the village to invite one of the women as chief guest for tomorrow’s flag hoisting ceremony. He came back and reported that the women were refusing to come if I did not give them sarees! This really upset me. I don’t like this form of blackmail. So I called Sonalal, one of the more educated and sensible villagers and explained to him that Republic Day is a national festival and that as an Indian the women of Roldih should feel proud and honoured that they are getting a chance to hoist the flag. They were not doing me any favours and if they did not wish to come, it was up to them. I would simply invite some local official or a small child to do the honours. He of course explained that the village women were ignorant and they always expected something whenever they were invited by a “big man” such as me.

It was then my turn to explain that the non-tribals of the area will not even let a tribal man or woman sit in front of them. When they are in front of the non-tribals (who are all money lenders in some for m or other) they have to behave like vassals. And it was to change all this that I give the Roldih villagers respect and ensure that others also learn to respect them. I ensure that in school tribal children sit next to non-tribal children to promote equality. This is not the case in many other schools in the area. And yet, when I show the local tribals respect, they wish to blackmail me!

I was really depressed and like it happens at such times, I felt like quitting. These days, as I realize that I am growing older, and that I have spent practically my whole life in this area, I do wonder why I need to do all this. Haven’t I done enough? Isn’t it time for me to go back to a life in the city? Most of the people I know who were once grassroots workers are now leading a comfortable life back in the city. And here I am, far away from home, from the few friends I have, alienated myself from my daughter whom I haven’t seen for over a year. Why do I need to do all this? Why here? Why not in Himachal Pradesh or Uttar Pradesh where people would at least treat me with respect and appreciate my work?

I know that feeling will pass. But right now I am not feeling too happy. But I must say that I was pleased when a villager came to me and said that the women have decided to come and that they understand my point of view. Have they really?

Today Mangal Tudu who was a student in our school and who now studies at the Agiya Mor Mississon school came to collect his wages. He had helped the masons with wall repair work. I asked him what he would do with his money (Rs 600). He said he needed to pay the fees in school! And yet his father, Pitho, has not paid me the fees for the younger brother who is now in our school. What am I doing wrong? Why are people willing to give their money to the missionaries for education and not to us? I know we are definitely providing better education because Mangal had failed in class 3 in our school and yet got admission in class 7 in the mission school after being amongst the top five in the admission test. Tells you something about our standards. And also tells you something about the standard prevailing in the rest of the state – the mission schools are supposed to be the best!

So what is it that we are doing wrong? People borrow Rs 100 from a non-tribal and grovels in front of him while shelling out Rs 150 in return. And when they borrow from me they don’t even bother to inform me that they can’t pay! And then have the audacity to say that I haven’t done anything for the community! Maybe I could have served the community better by becoming a mahajan (money lender) instead. When I shared my pain with someone today he told me in rather crude Hindi: Guruji, you do something good for people here, they’ll give you a bad name. You give them a bottle once in a while and take away all they possess, they’ll think you are the greatest guy on earth. I couldn’t help but agree with him silently. There have been so many examples that seem to prove the veracity of his statement.

But I have a story to tell. Once upon a time there was a wise sage who lived near a river. One morning when he went for his bath, he noticed that a scorpion had fallen into the river and was about to drown. He picked it up and put it on the river bank. The scorpion stung him and went away. The next day, when the sage went again for his bath, he once again rescued the scorpion from drowning and once again the scorpion stung him.

This happened for four or five days. Some other people who were also bathing, saw the drama unfold day after day. Finally they told the sage: We thought you are a wise man. But when will you learn that the scorpion will sting? Why do you bother to rescue it? Just let it drown. You’ve done your bit.

The sage, in reply, said: The scorpion is following it’s inner nature, which is to sting. I am doing what is my inner nature too by saving it.